I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
