So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
