if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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