He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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