he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
