Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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