Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
