Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Randomize