Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
