Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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