Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just had sex on a roof
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
