Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
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As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
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"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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