Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
