I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
