Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
