Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
