Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
