worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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