my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
