I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
