he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
