you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
