um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
