All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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