Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It was confusing and full of hummus
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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