I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
