when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
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I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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