This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
