I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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