so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
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My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
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I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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