break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
