Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Drunk is not a location!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
