Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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