Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
