dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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