Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
