Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
