i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
