What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
