new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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