My boss' voice literally gives me gas
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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