the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
