I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
