Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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