My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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