When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
