her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
