mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
