Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize