pop tarts are not kleenex
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
