We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
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I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
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We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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