I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
