....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
