NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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