im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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