so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
