ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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