Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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