I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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