Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
