you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not ubering you a puppy
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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