everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
