Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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