I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
