nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
