So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
