She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
