I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
