I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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