I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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