you traded sex for a burrito?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
