The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
