TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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