My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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