and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
