Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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