Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
