What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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