I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just want nice things and good sex
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
