It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
