@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
