we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
